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Romeo in Sailor Mouth script
title card has men singing part of song, "Sailing Over the Dogger Bank" ♪Watcha twigger she's a proper jubby-jewel... On a passage from the Dogger Bank to Great Grimsby!♪ we see the Krusty Krab in night Basil: Well, it's the worst time of the day once again. as he changes the "Open" sign to "Closed" Closing time! Romeo: Well, see you in the A.M., Basil. Basil: Hold on there, Romeo! Romeo back Take that pile of filth out with you. Cricket holds up a trash bag Romeo: gasps Basil, you shouldn't talk about Jiminy like that! Jiminy: He means this filth, you twit. goes to the dumpster while bringing the trash bag Romeo: singing Takin' out the trash, takin' out the trash. throw the trash and then looked at some writings on the dumpster Romeo: Hmm...dumpster writing! The voice of the people! "Up with bubbles, down with air!" laughs "Nematodes are people too!" laughs Ha, those Nematodes... Here's one someone didn't finish! Jiminy Cricket smells. the word "good" after "smells" Gooooood. laughs Hmm, what's this one? Basil is a... hmm? Basil is a bleep. Bluebeard: disgusted Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Romeo: Well, sometimes, but not...recently. Danny: Hi, Bluebeard. Hi, Romeo. Romeo: Hi, Danny! Danny, do you know what this word means? Danny: "Basil..." Uh, isn't that the light brown sweaty guy you work for? Romeo: to the unseen word No, not that word, THAT word. Danny: Hmm... bleep! Uh, hey! I think I know what that means. That's one of those sentence enhancers. Romeo: Sentence enhancers? Danny: You use them when you want to talk fancy. You just sprinkle it on anything you say, and Wham-O! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich! Romeo: Oh, I get it! Let me try. coughs Hello, Danny. Lovely bleep day it is, isn't it? Danny: Why yes it is, Romeo. This bleep day is particularly bleep lovely! Romeo: How bleep right you are, Danny! two say the word a couple of times Romeo: You're right, Danny, my lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation. Danny: Oh, me too! laugh Romeo: It tingles when I laugh! walks into the Krusty Krab the next day Romeo: Hello, customers, nice bleep day we're having, uh? customers stop eating and stare in shock Bagheera: gasps Did he just say?! Captain Hook: Aye, he did. Romeo: Hey, Danny, how the bleep are ya? Danny: at table at the Krusty Krab Pretty bleep good, Romeo. Rikki-Tikki-Tavi: I thought this was a restaurant, not a gutter mouth convention. Romeo: on the microphone and speaks into it Attention, customers, today's special is a bleep Krabby Patty served in a greasy bleep sauce and grilled to bleep perfection. covers her laughing children's ears and puts soda on one since she doesn't have enough hands And don't forget to ask us to bleep the bleep fries. It will be our bleep pleasure. Cricket hears the intercom and a giant human ear pops out of his head; he pushes it back in Hi Jiminy, how the bleep are ya? Danny: Nice bleep day we're having, isn't it Jiminy? Capulet: I don't understand. The guy's talented, but he doesn't have to work blue. Lady Capulet: Let's go back to our litature books. leaves the Krusty Krab, grumbling in frustration Fagin: I'm eating at my place! Krusty Krab customer meter is running down. Sirens wail and a red light flashes Basil: the bathroom, hears the sirens Huh? AH! The Krusty Krab, she's empty! to dining room All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Jiminy Cricket, where have all my money paying customers gone? Jiminy Cricket: Apparently the two barnacle-mouth animals just learned a new word, and Romeo just said it over the intercom. Basil: Well, what was it? What'd he say? Jiminy Cricket: Er...he said...um, well he said... whispers Basil: Huh? whispers it again. Basil gasps Romeo and cat! Front and center! Why I oughta make the two of you film an NC-rating movie for using such language! Romeo: But Mr. Basil, we were only using our sentence enhancers. Danny: Yeah, it's fancy talk. Basil: There ain't nothing fancy about that word! Romeo: You mean bleep? Basil: Yes, that one. Now quit saying that! It's a bad word, used for films like South Park, Family Guy, or Help! I'm a Fish. Romeo and Danny: Bad word?! start wiping their tongues Basil: Yes sirree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use. Jiminy: Don't you mean there are only 7? Basil: Not if you're a sailor! laughs Romeo: Wow, 13! Danny: That's a lot of bleep bad words! Basil: OK, boys. I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again. Romeo and Danny: We promise. at Romeo's house, Romeo and Danny are playing Crocodiles and Boats Romeo: Gee, I'm glad Basil told us that word we were using was a bad word! Danny: Yeah, me too, because classy sophisticates like us shouldn't stain our lips with cursing. Romeo: Yea, verily! Now, let's play a nice, wholesome game of Crocodiles and Boats. Danny: Oh, boy, my favorite! arms up and down like a seal Romeo: Come on, that fish needs a new pair of shoes! the dice Danny: Oh, crocodiles. Too bad, Romeo, you gotta ride the crocodile. Romeo: Darn. game piece to crocodile Danny: My turn! dice Hooray! boats! Yay! screams Up,up,up! Romeo: Come on, boats, boats! dice Uh, crocodiles again. Danny: My turn! dice Boats! Romeo: Boats, Boats, Boats! dice Crocodiles? Danny: dice Bo-ho-ot!! to boats Well, this is your last chance, Romeo, or if you get crocodiles again, you lose! Romeo: frustrated while rolling the dice Boats, Boats, Boats!! is thrown and lands on escalators Ha! Boats! turn over to crocodiles Danny: Crocodiles... Romeo: AAHH, bleep!!! his mouth when he realizes his mistake Danny: Ooooh! You said number 11! Romeo: for Danny to understand I didn't mean... you gotta understand, Danny, I was trying...what I meant to say was...some things just slip out. You gotta understand! Danny: Sorry Romeo, it's too late to understand. pause But it's not too late to tell on... Basil! out the door Basil! Basil! Basil! running to the Krusty Krab Romeo: running after him No wait, Danny! Romeo catches up to Danny Danny, no, please don't tell! Danny: But you said bleep! his mouth as he realizes his mistake Romeo: Aha! Now I'm gonna tell Basil on you! Danny: Not if I tell first! Romeo: I can run faster than you! laughs Danny: in an ice cream truck See ya at the Krusty Krab! Ha, ha, ha! truck goes the wrong way Oh my godddddd! Romeo: laughs Basil, Basil, Basil! Basil: What, what, what? Romeo: Danny, Danny, Danny! Basil: Yes, yes, yes? Romeo: He said, he said, he said! Basil: Out with it, boy! Romeo: fast Me and Danny were playing Crocodiles and Boats, and Danny was going up-up-up, and I had to ride the crocodile and then we ran and Danny, he said some THINGS. Basil: Romeo What kind of things? Romeo: Well, he said... Basil: Yes?! Romeo: Well, uh, let's just say he said a certain word that you said we shouldn't say, and this particular word happens to be number 11 in the 13 words you said shouldn't be said. Basil: Uh... right, uh, you said what...? Who now? Danny: an ice cream but throws away the cone Basil, Basil, Basil! sighs Romeo and Danny: He said that that you said we shouldn't say babble on about the word, but Basil grabs their lips Basil: Now I'm gonna let go of yer lips, and when I do, I want you boys to calmly tell me what you need to tell me, understand? Both: Mmm-hmm... lets go of their lips He said bleep! Basil: NOOOOO! Do my ears deceive me?! You two should be ashamed! Time to take out the trash. You two need to be taught a lesson. I thought I made it clear. Never, and I mean, never use number 11 or any of the 13 bad words! Now the both of you wait right here. I'll be back. Danny: What's going to happen to us? Romeo: We'll probably get 100 lashes! Danny: Oh, no! imagines himself with 100 large, weird eyelashes Romeo: I'm sorry, Danny. Basil was right. There's no need for words like that. Danny: I'm sorry too, Romeo. Romeo: Let's make a vow, Danny. From this day forth the foul word shall never pass our lips! We will be good citizens, just like good ol' Basil. Danny: hands with Romeo Agreed! Basil: All right, you two foul mouths. As punishment for fouling the air in my restaurant with your foul words, you're going to make a NC-rating film from beginning to end. his foot on a rock then hops on one leg OW, OOH! OW! MY bleep FOOT! WHAT bleep GENIUS PUTS A bleep ROCK IN A bleep PATH?! CAN'T YOU SEE I GOT A bleep FOOT HERE?! OH! continues saying a bunch of swears, bleeped out by bleeps; at this moment, Romeo and Danny count the swears Romeo: Five, six, seven... Basil: ...a whole lotta bleep and with a side of bleep, a heapin' helpin' of bleep and a boatload of bleep ... Danny: Nine... Basil: bleep, and bleep!! Romeo: to Romeo with 13 fingers That's all 13, Danny!! gasps We're gonna tell your mom, Basil! Basil: worried No, please, not my mother! and Danny laugh as they run to Miss Bianca's house, Basil runs after them Wait, please don't tell my mother! I don't think her little heart can take it! go to the house Romeo and Danny: banging on the door Miss Bianca, Miss Bianca! Miss Bianca: Why, hello there! Danny and Basil all explain the situation at the same time, swearing numerous times as they do so! Miss Bianca: shocked Oh, dear! My poor heart. faints Basil: gasps Oh, dear Mother! What have these foul-mouthed heathens done to you? a coin out of her pocket You two should be ashamed! Making a lady faint with your sailor talk! Miss Bianca: up You should all be ashamed! And if you're gonna talk like sailors, then you're gonna make a movie like sailors! And here's the script! the three are acting out a movie, Danny is acting stupidly Miss Bianca: I guess you three scallywags have earned a glass of lemonade! then stubs her foot on a rock YEEEOWW!! MY horn honks FOOT! & Danny stops acting and gasp in shock Basil: shocked Mother! Miss Bianca: What? It's Mr. Bernard and his jalopy. Bernard: Howdy, Miss B! the horn Romeo, Danny, Basil and Miss Bianca: laugh together The End